In the midst of horrendous struggle, there is an awful temptation to reduce God to a set of methodological rules and rhetoric. It makes perfect sense. After all, do not our lives encourage such a mistake whenever we struggle with something? Preachers preach about “seven steps to a turn around”. Weight loss experts compose diet and exercise plans that culminate in certain steps. The scientific method we learn about in school is all about steps. Our lives constant shove the importance of methodology into our faces. Is it, then, surprising that when we struggle spiritually we look for a comprehensive solution that will completely resolve our issue? Surely not. Don’t get me wrong, here. Steps are important, fundamentally. The Bible indicates that God himself is a God of order and steps and stages. However, it is easy to minimize the collosal importance that God is a person; thus, we must relate to him personally. We have to begin there. Not with steps. Not with methods. Not with theory; but, with the truth of who God is: a loving, personal Father who holds all power in his hands and is desperate for his children to know him fully and experience completely the magnificent transformation in store for all those who love him.
One week ago, I met up with my boys to have one final Bible study small group at my house. It was an amazing night of being able to teach them. In the past few months, I have been able to stand aside and watch their faith grow to wonderful levels. I’m so proud of them, and I will really miss them this semester. But, I look forward to seeing what they will accomplish through Christ while I am not around.
I would characterize my Summer by one word: inconsistency. It has crippled my passion and wrought the very essentials of my life with confusion and darkness. And now, God is bringing me out again. I don’t know. Something about being here (away from home) is really fresh for me and allowing God to do some wonderful work in my life. However, often synonomous with “wonderful work” is “crippling pain”. Today was one of those days I’d just rather not have. One of those days where it takes all that you possess to produce even a smirk, much less a smile. But, still, I will proceed with joy in my heart, for I have realized one undeniable and amazing fact: God knows what he is doing…
being a child of God, there is nothing in my life that can happen without his knowledge. Thus, every single thing that happens to me has a specific purpose, even the painful stuff. In fact, the painful stuff all the more. For when I am humbled to my knees, I am in the place where I can best receive all that God has to give me. The place where I am silent enough to hear him speak. The place where I am forced to allow less of me…and crave more of him. And that’s cool. And I must proceed with the sure hope that God will not only love and comfort me during this time, but also that his purpose will most certainly prevail.
SRay
Ok, this past Sunday, Pastor Dave (Pastor of Outreach Ministries at First Assembly) invited me to come and sing on an Outreach Fieldtrip…to TUCKER MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISON. This was to be my first ever outreach at a prison, unless you count the Alexander Youth Facility outside Bryant, which I don’t. I was certainly nervous. After all, I would be ministering to a bunch of ers, thieves, bank robbers, dealers, etc. So, we got there. As we walked into the Chapel, the first thing that caught my eye was the five or six members of their own worship band setting up and practicing for the night’s worship service (yes, that’s right! Worship band! Prison worship band!). They were all dressed in their white jump suits with their last names routinely stamped on the front of their shirts in bold, capital letters. And worse, there wasn’t a guard in sight! (You mean they let these people run around all loose like this!?) But, still, we began to set up. As we were finishing, the prisoners attending the service began to file into the chapel (still no guard in sight…I knew we were ). The service started with the prison band playing a couple of songs. The prisoners responded with great praise and worship, which I’m sure was just a show…after, they’re prisoners, right? Then, a friend and I started playing and singing. Let me pause a moment here to say this: God began to move, my friends. But, much to my surprise, the one in need of the change of attitude wasn’t the prisoners…it was me! Who the heck was I to come up in here judging people and labeling prisoners whose stories I didn’t know! I didn’t know what they’d been through. I didn’t know how much they’d changed. Bottom line: I just didn’t know. But, God began speaking to my heart. “Stephen, not everything is as it seems, Son. Moses was a stubborn er with a speech impediment…he led my people to the Promised Land. David was a lying erer and er…and yet a man after my own heart. Rahab was a …she saved my children from certain and destruction. Peter was brash and impulsive and racist…he was the first major leader of my church. Paul was the worst of all sinners; he specialized in targeting and my beloved…but he also spread the Gospel to many thousands more. You see, Son, everyone has a story. And everyone makes mistakes. But, I can redeem anyone and anything. If you would move past your stereotypical fear and accept these men who are also my children, perhaps you would realize that my love is not reserved for a privileged few, but all who are willing to accept it. And those in humble circumstances seem to accept it best. Open your eyes…you might learn quite a bit.”
The night was amazing. And God is greatly worthy to be praised.
SRay
It’s interesting, ya know? Most people consider a burden heavy when circumstances present a hardship that is simply too difficult to accept. But what about the burdens that don’t involve acceptance, but removal. Those burdens seem far more difficult to bear; the ones where God calls you to step away from something that you’ve known your whole life. Something that is more than addictive or harmful behavior; something that is you. And the sharp pain lies right there; not the fact that it’s a part of you, but the fact that it is you. And from that view, it is that “you” that must be removed.
SRay
Thanks for your love, Dad. Despite my sin, you still look beyond my failures into who I can be. Who, through you, I can be. Thank you, Lord.
SRay
