Stephen Anthony Ray

Well, I’m as sick as a dog right now. I can remember whenever I was a child and got sick and my mom would stay home from work to take care of me. Some things never change. I got sick today at work and she keeps calling, checking on her baby, making sure I’m staying in bed and eating chicken noodle soup. It’s almost as though she delights in my being sick because she can really love on me. Of course, it sounds ludicrous. In fact, kind of creepy. But, is it really? After all, doesn’t God himself delight in our weaknesses so that he can be strong, lavishing his love and comfort on us? Thanks, Mom, for being like God.

SRay

Ya know, Satan is a clever little snake. Children starve in the inner city. Teenagers accept a shallow deception rather than a deep Truth. Adolescents struggle to be noticed, defining themselves by opinion instead of fact. Adults act like children, yelling and fighting and divorcing when they don’t get their way. Our country is at war. The Third World is just around the corner. And all the while, Satan has us so well entangled with our own battles , we can’t pull our foci away from ourselves long enough to help the others fight theirs. Yep. Clever little bugger.

SRay

I am a child of God. That truth alone forms the essence of my identity. It means that I am created to love God and to be loved by him, reflecting the faithfulness and community exhibited by the Triune God himself. God loves me just for me, yet he is offering to transform me into the fullness of his intention for my life, taking my soul to places beyond my wildest dreams. Therefore, my sin and struggles, though reprehensible, can no longer define me. God himself defines me by loving me and sending his Son to die in my place. He cares for me like a Father, and protects me like a great army. He is both big and small; transcendent and immanent. Furthermore, though my life is sometimes littered with various temptations and painful trials, God will use those things to strengthen me. They will refine my faith and constantly draw me closer to himself, beckoning and sometimes forcing me into the deepest parts of my heart where I can meet with him. Joy and peace, then, are not like emotions, which are shallow and easily manipulated. Rather, they are based on God; thus in his consistency, they are likewise consistent. My worship cannot be merely emotional. Because, like the moon, it would wax and wane according to all kinds of manipulative forces, including my circumstances. No, my worship must be faithful like God is faithful. In Christ, my circumstances no longer determine me; I determine my circumstances. The truth: He loves me. I am his child. That alone changes everything.

SRay

Welp, it’s finals week. It is currently 2:00 in the morning. It looks like I’ll be pulling an all-nighter. This teaches me a great lesson about life. If I would have just studied earlier (heeding earlier warnings), I wouldn’t be fighting sleep right now. But, as it is, I’m knodding even as a write this post. In life, if only I would heed Jesus’ exhoration, I would save myself so much pain…and savor so much beauty.

SRay

Earlier today, I was sitting in class daydreaming when God suddenly gave me a glance into the not too distant future. Like never before, he allowed me to look deep down into one of my most fundamental and deepest desires: that of having a family. Often, I think that we Christians (especially myself) spend so much time fighting our “sinful” desires that we forget to really engage with the deeply good. And looking deeply within myself, I saw myself taking my boys to fish. I saw myself having tea parties with my little girl. I saw myself coming up behind my wife and surprising her by wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her closer to me as I kiss her neck andwhisper sweet affirmations into her ear. I saw myself tickling and wrestling my kids when they all run up to me as I walk in from work. I saw myself holding them tightly whenever they hurt, teaching them how to love and trust in Jesus. I saw myself praying with my wife, that I would honor and cherish her upon the profession of such a promise in our vows. And more than everything I saw, I felt a warm, urgent sensation that one day that wonderful man; that dad and that husband…he will one day be me. I will one day be him.

As the vision came to its end, I asked my Lord in hopeless despair how I could ever be such an awesome man. I daily struggle with various sins. I constantly fail. I often question my own faithfulness to you. How in the world can I get from here to there? He softly answered, “You don’t have to be perfect. If you just walk with me, I will take you there…and farther.”

SRay