Stephen Anthony Ray

I can’t tell you how good God has been to me this past week. Last week, I suddenly became dissatisfied with who I was in Christ - really, with the fact that I didn’t feel like anything was changing. I’ve had the same struggles, the same failings, the same thoughts, the same outlook, the same everything concerning God for this whole time since I received Christ at 9. As a result, I begin to become frustrated with God because I recognized a clear contrast between my life (stale; stagnant) and the life to which Christians are called and in which they are sustained (transformed; spiritually progressive). This situation very quickly became a crisis of faith for me. Here I had received Christ fourteen years ago and as of yet have not experienced any significant amount of transformation that can’t be easily attributed to the natural progression of growing. It didn’t seem to me like anything supernatural has happened in my life - and I want that…so bad.

Then, in the midst of my crisis, God brought three things to my attention:

1.) He brought to my mind the knowledge of how my refusal to let go of certain worldly desires and behavior has actually been hindering the transformation that is taking place in my life - so much so that my relationship with God has become inconsistent, lukewarm, and stale, at best. He showed me that if I truly wanted to be experience a lasting, eternal change, then I would have to let go of the temporary, shallow pleasures of this world. Easy concept: if I want to become like the eternal Christ, I have to let go of the stuff in this world, all of which will pass away.

2.) He then brought to my mind how the stagnancy of my relationship with God eventually caused me not only to adopt an inaccurate understanding of God’s character, but it also caused me to forget past experiences in my life that prove God’s unwavering faithfulness to me beyond coincidence. It’s amazing how my increasing fence-straddling lifestyle caused me to focus more on my problems than the solution, which caused me to take my eyes off God…the rest was a cakewalk for Satan. God has been so good to me. But my sin, when I couldn’t let go of it, really unfocused my vision and cause me to see things as they were not - and to miss what was.

3.) Then, lavishing his love and mercy on me, He brought to my mind dozens of remembrances where He has interacted in my life in such way that can only be described as “supernatural”…in ways that defy logic and rational explanation…in ways that can only be attributed to a good and loving God.

Now. I’m satisfied. More than ever. I can’t even recall the last time I’ve been this filled with peace and joy. Not that my struggling is finished, but that my focus has been renewed - and God is enabling me to let go of the quickly fading, and replace it with the everlasting and eternal.

I come home two weeks from today. I can’t believe how quickly my time here has passed. And how much I have learned. And how good and right God’s plans were. And how many good friends I have made. And how much I’ve been musically inspired. And how much more I want to work to become better. And how amazing working in opera is (especially when you add the orchestra).

This morning in church, I thought deeply about all that has taken place in me this last week, and an old song came to my hear:

“Somebody prayed for me, had me on their mind, took the time and prayed for me. I’m so glad they prayed - I’m so glad they prayed - I’m so glad they prayed for me”

Thank you, beloved friends and family, for who you are and how you add so much to who I am.

Thank you, God, for being good and right and patient and unsafe.

SRay

Friends

As many of you know, this has been an especially busy week for me.  Last Saturday was the Opera Showcase, the opera scenes program in which I performed as Don Giovanni.  Then, after a week of what seemed like endless opera rehearsals, the weekend finally came.  Friday was the master class led by renowned American baritone Thomas Hampson.  Though I did not sing in the master class, Mr. Hampson had requested to meet with and hear all of the baritones in the program.  I sang “O vin, dissipe la tristesse” from the opera Hamlet by Ambrose Thomas  So - in the end - I got to sing for, and be coached by, Thomas Hampson.  He’s pretty amazing, not only as a musician, but also as a musicologist and vocal technician.

Today - the highlight of the my entire summer here in California - was the day of the Marilyn Horne Foundation Vocal Competition.  It’s probably more important than the MET auditions.  Why?  Because at today’s audition, there were representatives from every major opera company in the United States, as well as representatives from Columbia Artists Management, Inc.  And tomorrow Thomas Hampson will present a recital of European Lieder and American Art Song.

So now…to the results.  There are 24 singers here at the academy.  21 performed today.  19 were eligible to win awards in today’s competition.  Of the 19, six singers received awards.  One was the grand prize winner…and it wasn’t me.  Lol.  It was Nadine Sierra, a amazingly talented 19 year old Soprano from Florida.  I was one of the other five singers who received encouragement awards ($500 each).  So you know what - today was a really freaking good day!

SRay

Ok.  So this morning I decided to go running since I really need to lose some weight (by the way, I plan on doing this more than once).  Considering the difficulty of my remaining stedfast in Christ, I noticed that there is a focusing quality in running for me.  And perhaps I need to do it everyday, for spiritual reasons as well as physical reasons.  I guess the focus comes in the fact that the difficulty of running for me highly parallels the difficulty of being a consistent Christian.  May I share some with you?  (I’ll assume you nodded your head)

1.) Whenever I walked onto the track, after having not exercised consistently since…high school, I was immediately motivated to run a whole lot, maybe like two miles or so.  However, after the first two laps, I realized a very important truth.  Start small.  Since I haven’t been establishing a firm foundation (running consistently), it’s pretty unlikely (considering my size) that I would just up and run two miles out of the blue.  Not to mention it’s probably pretty foolish and could result in me injuring myself.  In the same way, I, in my spiritual walk, cannot expect to have the faith and determination of Elijah tomorrow.  It is a process.  And whenever I attempt to undertake some spiritual conquest that is beyond me, the result is generally the same - I try; I fail; I feel horrible; I return to the mud, and get deeper than I was before.  Start small, and let God grow you bit by bit.

2.)  After the first two laps, I resolved that I would only run one mile total.  Interestingly enough, even after I had run those first two laps, I still tended to think of the whole feat in terms of the total distance that I would have to run (4 laps = 1 mile), rather than the distance left that I would have to run (2 laps).  That seemingly slight variation in perception only resulted in me being more intimidated, because I looked at things in terms of what I had to accomplish, not considering it in terms of what had already been done and how that affects what I had left to do.  I only needed to focus on what I had left to accomplish in the present and future.  In the same way one must understand that, when running the race of life as a Christian, the focus is to be on the present and future, not the past.  Jesus died for our sins (the past)…and because of that, there is now a transforming present and a glorified future.  My focus should be there.

3.) Toward the end of my running conquest, I really began to struggle to finish.  And immediately, a ton of reasons came to my mind concerning this conquest being beyond me, namely my asthma and my being overweight.  So many times, my brother has chastised me about using my limitations as excuses.  Thus, forgetting my limitations and committing to the cause at hand, I finished what I had set out to do.  In the same way, the redeemed of God can never focus on their limitations in such a way that the ensuing lack of faith prevents God from being able to remove their limitations (progressively or immediately) and strengthen them in preparation for loving others and worshiping Him.

I hope that you learned as much from my running as I did.

SRay

Something happened recently that made me bitterly upset at God.

Then, I looked more closely…and realized something.

IT WAS MY FREAKING FAULT!

How amazing, right? That I would do…what we all do every day. We get angry at God for stuff that living in his Will would have prevented.

Check this out:
“‘For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity; to give you a hope and a future.’”

Notice where it says “not for calamity”.

Why would Jeremiah have included that in the Lord’s message to the people?
Who would think that it was God’s plan to injure his own people?

People in captivity - just like the Jews whom the scripture concerns.

Isn’t it easy, whenever we face difficult times (whether self-incurred or not), to look to God with anger and hard-heartedness, rather than looking to him for a solution…and maybe even to ourselves for a cause?

SRay

Why do I love it here?

Because - today I saw the mailman…on a crotch rocket.

SRay