I can’t tell you how good God has been to me this past week. Last week, I suddenly became dissatisfied with who I was in Christ - really, with the fact that I didn’t feel like anything was changing. I’ve had the same struggles, the same failings, the same thoughts, the same outlook, the same everything concerning God for this whole time since I received Christ at 9. As a result, I begin to become frustrated with God because I recognized a clear contrast between my life (stale; stagnant) and the life to which Christians are called and in which they are sustained (transformed; spiritually progressive). This situation very quickly became a crisis of faith for me. Here I had received Christ fourteen years ago and as of yet have not experienced any significant amount of transformation that can’t be easily attributed to the natural progression of growing. It didn’t seem to me like anything supernatural has happened in my life - and I want that…so bad.
Then, in the midst of my crisis, God brought three things to my attention:
1.) He brought to my mind the knowledge of how my refusal to let go of certain worldly desires and behavior has actually been hindering the transformation that is taking place in my life - so much so that my relationship with God has become inconsistent, lukewarm, and stale, at best. He showed me that if I truly wanted to be experience a lasting, eternal change, then I would have to let go of the temporary, shallow pleasures of this world. Easy concept: if I want to become like the eternal Christ, I have to let go of the stuff in this world, all of which will pass away.
2.) He then brought to my mind how the stagnancy of my relationship with God eventually caused me not only to adopt an inaccurate understanding of God’s character, but it also caused me to forget past experiences in my life that prove God’s unwavering faithfulness to me beyond coincidence. It’s amazing how my increasing fence-straddling lifestyle caused me to focus more on my problems than the solution, which caused me to take my eyes off God…the rest was a cakewalk for Satan. God has been so good to me. But my sin, when I couldn’t let go of it, really unfocused my vision and cause me to see things as they were not - and to miss what was.
3.) Then, lavishing his love and mercy on me, He brought to my mind dozens of remembrances where He has interacted in my life in such way that can only be described as “supernatural”…in ways that defy logic and rational explanation…in ways that can only be attributed to a good and loving God.
Now. I’m satisfied. More than ever. I can’t even recall the last time I’ve been this filled with peace and joy. Not that my struggling is finished, but that my focus has been renewed - and God is enabling me to let go of the quickly fading, and replace it with the everlasting and eternal.
I come home two weeks from today. I can’t believe how quickly my time here has passed. And how much I have learned. And how good and right God’s plans were. And how many good friends I have made. And how much I’ve been musically inspired. And how much more I want to work to become better. And how amazing working in opera is (especially when you add the orchestra).
This morning in church, I thought deeply about all that has taken place in me this last week, and an old song came to my hear:
“Somebody prayed for me, had me on their mind, took the time and prayed for me. I’m so glad they prayed - I’m so glad they prayed - I’m so glad they prayed for me”
Thank you, beloved friends and family, for who you are and how you add so much to who I am.
Thank you, God, for being good and right and patient and unsafe.
SRay
