Stephen Anthony Ray

The Andalusians

Stephen — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:13:16 +0000

This previous weekend, my life was greatly affected and changed by God through six incredible students at The Journey, a youth revival founded by my friend, Michael Rodriguez. I got the amazing opportunity of being a speaker and community group leader. These students in particular were from the church where Michael serves as youth pastor, First Baptist Church of Andalusia, Alabama.

In the midst of an incredibly rapid dissolution of walls of insecurity and fear, these young men and I communed as though we had known each other for years. We challenged one another. We motivated one another. We prayed for one another. We experienced the type of fellowship that is so good and transparent and changing and deep that it would lead a person to conclude that he/she were getting a sneak preview of Heaven. Although I had a wonderful time pouring into their lives and watching as God broke down their hesitations and inhibitations as the weekend continued, the truth is that my heart was probably hardest of all. I’ve spent the last fifteen years of my life (my whole Christian experience) giving God half-hearted commitment while still holding to and trusting in the satisfaction derived from this world. In all honesty, it’s been years since I’ve shown any consistency whatsoever in my fellowship with God. I’ve been too busy being obstinate and chasing after wind. After amazing spiritual community with my boys, listening to my own sermon, and experiencing a Saturday night of intense worship, my heart was still hard. And then Sunday morning, the last morning of the event, I was writing small letters to each of my students, writing about their specific unique gifts as I recognized them and encouraging them to be vulnerable and open to the change that God wants to bring into their lives, trusting that, even if it’s harder at the moment, God still knows what is best.

During the last sermon and the worship session that followed, I felt a somewhat familiar wrench in my heart. Like awakening after a long sleep, I felt my soul adjusting to the intense light before it. Tears streamed down my face and memories of my unfaithfulness came to my mind as I remember, being broken, feeling the voice of God gently call to me, saying, “Stephen. Will you not trust me, too?”.

I pushed the boys the whole weekend - and they responded. But I was the last one. Indeed, in the end, they set the example for me. They helped me remember what it meant and felt like to say “Yes, Lord”. I am forever indebted to Sunny, Josh, Trav, Nate, Tyler, and Marcus for the change that God brought about in my life through their example.

SRay

Ike

Stephen — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:02:37 +0000

Sometimes, it takes a hurricane to make you thankful for the things you do have.

Mainstream

Stephen — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 01:42:55 +0000

So…earlier today I was reading a review of the apartment complex I live in (Mainstream Apartments) in this Graduate Resources book they gave us at orientation today. It was in the bad reviews section and read as follows:

“Big rooms and cheap, but a lot of murders”

For the love of God, please pray for me.

SRay

baseball at Sheridan…

Stephen — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 05:09:37 +0000

They say that baseball is a boy’s game. This past weekend, it sure wasn’t. It was the game of hateful, mean-spirited adults. I umpired a game in a tournament in Sheridan, Arkansas this past Friday evening. One of the teams contained players that I had umpired when they were young. I recognized some of them and their parents, as well as the coach, an old acquaintance. The amazing thing about being an umpire is that friendship with people that you only know through the sport is extremely temperamental, as I found out this weekend. The team with the players I knew lost 4-2. During the game, I received some of the rudest and most character defaming comments I’ve heard in my entire life. In fact, as I continued to ignore them, some of the fans made comments impugning my intelligence, integrity, fairness, and ability to do my job. I find it amazing that, somehow (tradition is partially responsible), it is socially acceptable to do to sports officials what a person could not do in any other life situation. The foundation of “good” baseball these days is ambition, regardless of character. That was more evident this past week than ever before. For me, umpiring is a ministry - an opportunity to have a positive impact in the lives of these teenage guys. However, this is one of the only days I can recall out of my entire career that fans and a coach really made it so personal. Beyond the fans’ obvious immense measure of ignorant bias and being yelled at and dressed down by the coach like a child who robbed the cookie jar, I think the most disturbing fact about that evening is that those teenagers have walked away truly believing that their loss was not their responsibility. It was someone’s else fault. Some cheater. Some bad umpire. Anyone but themselves.

I did the best thing that an umpire can do in this situation…and the hardest thing. I walked away.

All in all, it makes me truly understand two realities concerning the human nature. 1.) We desperately need God. 2.) There is indeed a devil.

SRay

Reflection

Stephen — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 03:23:44 +0000

Tonight at worship, the speaker (Alex Himaya) had an invitation. As hands raised and hearts broke, as tears streamed and eyes closed, and as students made a decision to respond to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, a familiar feeling came over me. It’s a feeling that I only experience during intense moments of the Lord’s presence. I get that knot in my throat. My emotions overwhelm me. And I cry.

At first, I thought that the reason I cry is simply that I’m touched by the corporate response to the message and the atmosphere. Indeed, that is at least the catalyst. I think, however, that the reason I cry changes from praise to hurt. I’m hurt in my heart because I mentally juxtapose the beautiful newness and innocence of new relationships and responses to Jesus with my own long battle of love vs lust, trust vs unfaithfulness, pain vs pleasure.

I want more. And I know that it’s available. And like clockwork, I continue to medicate myself by submitting to the addiction that enslaves me. It’s like I can’t escape. It’s like destiny is set. It’s hell without the flames.

Super Summer I

Stephen — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 22:21:02 +0000

I am at Super Summer JV - Arkansas, an amazing Christian camp with about 6 bizillion screaming, annoying middle school kids. It’s hosted by Ouachita Baptist University, where I received my Bachelor’s in music. I am in my room at Daniel North (I haven’t been here since my freshmen year of college). Outside in the hall, I can hear the manifestation of weeks of anticipation, excitement, and anxiety - unfortunately, they manifest as loud yells, clopping footsteps, and obnoxious feats of dare-devilism.

1 camp; 4 days; 900 student; 0 drugs…lol. I think that I will need your prayers, friends.

SRay

A song on my heart

Stephen — Wed, 21 May 2008 18:34:24 +0000

Watch ye therefore; you know not the day, when the Lord shall call your souls away

If you labor, striving for the right, you shall wear a golden crown.

And just as soon as my feet strike Zion, I’m gonna lay down my heavy burdens.

I’m gonna put on my robe in glory; I’m gonna shout and tell the story

of how I came over hills and mountains, and went up to the Christian fountains.

And all of God’s sons and daughters will be drinking the healing waters.

And I shall wear a golden crown.

I’m gonna move on up a little higher; I’m gonna meet with the Hebrew children.

I’m gonna move on up a little highter; I’m gonna meet with Ol’ man Daniel.

I’m going out sight seeing in Buelah; I’m gonna march around the alter.

I’m gonna walk and never tire; I’m gonna fly and never falter.

And I shall wear a golden crown.

Watch ye, therefore; you know not the day, when the Lord shall call your souls away

If you labor, striving for the right, you shall wear a golden crown!

Mom and Dad

Stephen — Mon, 19 May 2008 04:08:52 +0000

Yesterday evening, my mom and dad brought me to Arkadelphia (I wrecked my car and had been borrowing mom’s for a while). Without missing a beat, my mom automatically went into the kitchen and started washing dishes while my father helped bring in some of my stuff from the van. A while later, we listened to a recording of a recent concert I gave in Benton in which I honored my mother and grandmother on the stage (it was Mother’s Day). I was arranging some of the things we brought in and turned around to notice that both my mother and father were crying. I was like, “What are y’all crying for?!” The best I could get was that parents just do that sometimes when their babies are growing up and they’re all proud.

It was one of those moments that maybe only comes every few years. And they are somehow so transcendent that they immediately show all life’s struggles and pain and frustration and tenacity of unforgiveness for what they really are…filler and finished, should you accept it. I loved that moment yesterday.

My parents left. And part of me left with them, though I stood still on the front porch.

SRay

A Night with the Boys

Stephen — Sat, 03 May 2008 04:23:48 +0000

Well, right now I am sitting in my office working on a paper for next week. The boys and Matt (Rose) are playing hide-and-seek using the entire church. I’ll be honest - these knuckleheads drive me insane. They don’t listen. You have to tell them everything three or four times before they’ll obey you. Their actions are characterized by an impromptu randomness and spontaneity that simply cannot be explained without expletives. They have these crazy, insecure mood swings and are amazingly sensitive (which of course is masked by an all too obnoxious shell of overcompensation).

And the truth is…I wouldn’t have it any other way. Being a youth pastor has been the single greatest joy of my life thus far. Right when I think that they never listen or that my work is done in vain, I see something - some action or some kernel of growth in character (albeit slowly) - that drives me on to keep pouring. And I’ve come to realize over the years that youth ministry is much like the planting of a seasonal crop. You plant and see immediate growth followed by long seasons of redress and quickening and chastizement and replanting and uprooting. And then, it grows again - but bigger. And bigger. And bigger still until the consistency of the plant abandons its seasonal lifestyle and becomes an evergreen.

They say that you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I’ll be starting Grad school at Rice University in August, and I’ll lose all this craziness - this untradable, priceless craziness - for the institutionalization of academia once again. I don’t have to wait until then. I already see what I’m missing. I miss them already.

SRay

New and Improved!

Stephen — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 21:35:06 +0000

I want to thank my good friend and web designer Aaron Harp for the new look and format of my website! Firstly, Aaron is simply a great friend. But secondly, he is also a wonderful, very talented guy whom God has gifted in the area of technical expertise. Just look around - you’ll see what I mean. If you get a moment, check out his website at www.aaronharp.com. Thanks again, Aaron!

SRay